‘Benefit of doubt’ ‘another chance’ ‘last chance’ and so on… Very common in any couples relationship…But when do you exercise this and when does it become too much? Lend me your ears and i will narrate to you my story..
Once upon a time I fell in love with Lamar..He was the only person that made whatever else in life complete. I was in a little heaven whenever Lamar was around me.. I would die a little whenever he would be away from me.. I would hardly wait until Lamar comes and my whole being would be revived just with the sound of his voice. I had fallen. I was in love. Deeply in love. I was living my dream every single day with Lamar. I looked forward to have Lamar and I observe our prayers together, cook and eat together, laugh and cry together, go out and have fun together, No this was not a dream, I was awake and Yes , that ,was exactly what i was witnessing in my dreams and had the opportunity to live it while it lasted. If i could summarize what was, with the two of us, Ill just say it was Out of this world.
Out of this world, it may have been. But. Perception. It was not the same. I was ready for a storm with Lamar. But I didn’t see the storm coming with another storm. I would have pulled off anything with him. He was my life. My dream and reality. My everything. Of course we would have pulled through anything with him, But how prepared was I?
I wished I was better prepared. Not just with guns but I should have remembered to carry along my stick as well. I underestimated it. I wished. But then again, its just that. A wish.
A mirror. I walked towards my mirror. When I got near to catch a glimpse of my view, Something happened. I don’t know what it was. Up to now I will never have any idea how it happened. The mirror… It fell, from nowhere, and Broke. The mirror, into very tiny pieces it broke. I shook, My heart, more than that mirror, It broke, into very minute pieces. I looked, trembled and shed a tear at first. The reality didn’t make sense…I closed my eyes, opened it again, the mirror was still there. Broken. still. silent. I wailed and cried. When reality hit, It all dawned on me. The mirror was still there. But broken. Tried to pick a few pieces. I could still see myself. But, The reflection in the mirror was not the same….and never was it ever the same…
Lamar introduced me to his parents! How beautiful! What a heart melting experience that was for me? This was what people meant when they said dreams do come true. I was over the moon. The reception from Lamars parents was quite humbling and i whispered to myself a quiet ‘Alhamdullilah’ which is simply giving back gratitude to God for all the blessings he showered upon me. I knew i was at the right place, with the right person and at the right time. Which of the favors of my lord would i have denied? None.
I was too excited and gave the feedback to mama and everyone at home. Went about with excitements telling how much Im sure of what I want and how there was nothing we were waiting for and that the Nikkah should happen soon. Nikkah is a small ceremony In Islam marking marriage. Oh what a good feeling it was to be in love???
I regret ever holding Lamars diary that day. i regretted and wish I never did. Because what followed was a series of drama in our beautiful paradise. Dont get me wrong, our little paradise would sometimes run short of things like the water in the river would dry but then we would dig and dig until a stream formed again and we would go back to enjoying our little heaven. What im trying to say is that expectations of such were always there but we would always find a solution and smile again with everything we fixed. This, however was different. Remember my mirror? It was broken completely.
I waited and waited until I couldn’t really wait anymore. I cooked for Lamar. Constantly looking at my time. Looking at the door. When will he arrive? Doesn’t he know I’m missing him terribly? It had been a week and i was going crazy. Missed my Lamar. Everyone around me during that period must have gotten fed up with my constant whining of Lamar. But they never told me,until to date. But i suspect. Lol. Anyway I waited until I fell asleep on the Couch. I dint know how long I slept. But that didnt matter because when I woke up. Lamar was there!!!!!! what other thing mattered? Heck!! My rock was here! My system support! My heartbeat! The love of my life! Oh!!! I was floating in love!! I hugged him for quite a while. Sometimes not even believing he was there, I had missed this man! Did he even know? Oh we ate and had some catching up then off to bed we went! You should have known! Lamar completed my life! Nothing else mattered. He was going to be mine and I his until the rest of our lives! oh it was written in the stars!
Or so I thought……
yasmineally 